Dusts cobwebs and clears throat
Hi guys! How are you doing, truly? How has 2024 been for you so far?
At the beginning of the year, I made the decision to not overwhelm myself with a bunch of goals that I knew I wouldn't keep to all in the name of setting new year resolutions, so I took the year as slowly and as intentionally as possible. There was a YouTube video I watched back in January, and I heard this line that stuck to me, “Slow down, you are in a hurry.” The YouTuber explained how we are prone to make mistakes or forget things when we are in a hurry, so as much as we can, we should learn to slow down. It is not the easiest thing to do, but God is helping me.
Okay, let's address the elephant in the room; my absence here. I knew I had been away for too long when my mom randomly asked, “Kiisi, why don’t you make those your posts anymore?” Lol, bless her heart. These are three main reasons why (not excuses, I promise) I was MIA on the blog: Imposter syndrome + overthinking what to share, the need to revisit my 'why,' and the genuine concern I had about not being too hasty to share things that God hasn't asked me to share.
With those few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you and not confuse you about some of the legitimate reasons for my absence. Now, unto weightier matters (I find this term so interesting and serious), I was thinking of making this a 'lessons I learnt last year' post, but frankly, I am still processing 2023, so let's not do that today please. Instead, I want to share with you some of my recent thought processes as I journey with God and as He patiently and gracefully leads me.
1.
I cannot keep waiting for my life to be exactly the way I want it to be before I start living. Since I came to this realization/conclusion towards the end of last year, I have started to live more freely and with more gratitude and contentment. Around that time, I was watching the video of this song, “Yet” by the King will come, and as I do subconsciously, I began to scroll through the comments. This particular comment caught my attention: “Your life is not falling apart, it is falling into place.” When I go through highs and lows, when I walk on mountains or navigate valleys, I have chosen to adopt this perspective. I have stopped pressing pause on my life and I have decided to continue living. This also applies to my walk with God.
A journal entry from October 6, 2023: The devil wants us to be so fixated on our circumstances that we lose sight of what God can and will still do in and through us in spite of our circumstances.
Steffany Gretzinger, a minister that I love and respect, was invited on a podcast and she talked about how her devotional life has changed since having her second child. And she said some things that stuck with me: Different seasons in our lives will afford us a different kind of devotion, and time with the Lord might look different, but it will be no less costly. We must still give God our best in every season.
2.
When life gives you lemons, take them to the feet of Jesus. As the last born that I am, I was notorious for being a 'snitch' to my parents, so imagine having a Father who is present 24/7 and I have unrestricted access to? A last born's dream.
I previously struggled with being confrontational because for me, it was easier to just 'report' people to God, not necessarily for Him to fight on my behalf, but because of how relieving it was to do so. I am learning the balance of telling people how they made me feel while still leaning on God as the source of all comforts.
Sometimes, I cannot move on with my life until I have tabled a matter before God. There are times when I comically say, “God, see how the people I am on this earth with are behaving.” But at His feet, I do not just find consolation and vindication, but also correction. Still, at the centre of His corrections is His unwavering love for me.
3.
I have noticed that the moments I have loved myself less are the times when I viewed myself through the lens of others, rather than through the lens of the One who made me. So, anytime I feel not so good about myself or I am struggling to love myself, I try to back track and examine who I have given the permission to influence the way I view myself, either through their words or actions. And when I pinpoint it, I take away the permission from them because they were never meant to have it in the first place. One of the most freeing things is realizing that I actually do have some power over how I am treated than I give myself credit for.
It is still a battle sometimes, to be honest, but I keep reminding myself that the hands of humans are a very unstable place to put my worth and joy. The hands of God are better because they are steady.
4.
One evening, I was on a call with my friend, Simi, and I was going to say something but I didn't. She went on to complete what I was going to say, and I joked about how I am so predictable (to the people who know me). Then she said, “predictable is safe.”
This explains why I typically gravitate towards people who are not necessarily predictable, but I know, to an extent, where they stand. People with characters that I can vouch for. People who aren’t cold one day and hot the next day. I give room for the complexities of life that sometimes call for different emotions from people and I give room for people to grow and evolve, but at the core of you, I should be able to tell who you are and who you are not.
While ‘predictable’ isn’t a word I would use to describe God, His character is consistent. We can trust that who He was yesterday is who He will be tomorrow. And so we are always safe, secure, and full of assurance. Growing up, the Bible verse that was on the backdrop of the church my parents pastored was Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” I have always found this verse comforting in a world that is ever-changing.
That is all I have to share with you today, but these four areas are where my mind and heart have been. It is a good thing to reflect frequently, I find that it helps. For the remaining months of the year ahead of me, my genuine desire is to be in the middle of the will of God. To want exactly what He wants, no matter what that demands from me. I will keep trusting Him, and He will keep helping me. This is the state of our union.
P.S. Huge shoutout to Amanda Cook for inspiring the title of this post! Her album “State of the Union” is amazing, you should definitely check it out. This is one of my favourite songs on the album:
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